It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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