So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
