in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
