If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize