i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
