So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
