Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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