I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
