3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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