you guys were way drunker than both of me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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