Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
