remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
