This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
