saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
