you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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