I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
