Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
