I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
