What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
