I heard we made out
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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