Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
