You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
