dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
