As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize