I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
