cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
