Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
