so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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