FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize