i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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