If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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