What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
