You just made me feel so damn special
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
