Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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