Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
only if we run a train.
done.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
