Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize