Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
