Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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