she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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