Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
zippers are such a cool invention
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize