I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
