for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
