i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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