Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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