We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
