My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
