She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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