My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize