In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
