I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
