I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
