I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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