Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
