Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
