U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
