u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
