I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
