They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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