Me too!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
