Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
