I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
