sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize