You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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