hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
