Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
