Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
