Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
