): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we made out on top of his cat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
