I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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