I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
