Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
