Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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