He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
