My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
