what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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