When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
