Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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